A Letter to My Students

Dear [failing student],

 

I like you.  From the bottom of my heart, with all the sincerity I can muster, I like you.  Being around you is mentally stimulating, and I’d like to think you too are enjoying your time here.  You make me laugh and see the world from a new perspective; I’m attempting to do the same for you.  I really do treasure our time together.

 

But I will fail you.  I will fail you so hard.

 

I won’t be happy about it.  My boss won’t like it much, either (passing students=good teacher).  Your parents certainly won’t be happy about it.  But when the year ends in three weeks, and your grade’s still south of a 70, I will keep it there.

 

You see, while we were joking around and having a good time, I was doing a little thing called “teaching.”  You might not have noticed.  I believe you were busy [on your cell phone / fixing your makeup / sleeping / chatting with friends (who are also failing) / playing sudoku / doing math homework / staring at the wall].

 

Regardless, I assigned work.  I know schoolwork usually sucks, and you’re super busy with [sports, band, ROTC, family, court dates, uploading sexy photos of yourself to MySpace], so I tried to make it as painless as possible.  I allowed you to read a book of your own choice (freedom!).  I asked you to research information about the jobs you’d like to have in the future (relevance!).  I urged you to write about your own life (the world revolves around you!).

 

When the due dates for all of these assignments came up, I was disappointed to see you hadn’t done them.  I empathized with your valid excuses, but your zeroes will remain until you turn something in.

 

Was I too nice?  Did you enjoy class so much that you forgot we had some work to do?Did my laid back persona have you assume you could pass my class with no effort?  I can recommend a good hard-ass of a teacher if my methods confuse you.  Otherwise, I’ll see you in a few years when you have to retake my class

 

Your friend teacher,

Sonny Harding