Monthly Archives: June 2010

Why I’m So Stupid: an Essay

It went something like this:

ME: I have to give you a final.  I was thinking of just doing a take-home essay.

STUDENT: It better not be something stupid, like, what-I-learned-from-Yearbook-class.

ME: umm…Well, you can just write an essay about how stupid I am.

Enjoy:

Awesome Student

Mr. Harding

Yearbook—2nd

June 1, 2010

Why Mr. Harding’s So Stupid

            Mr. Harding is really stupid, primarily because he made me write this essay for a Yearbook final exam.  YEARBOOK.  He is also probably going to take points away because I capitalized that entire work, but I’m only expressing myself.  That’s pretty stupid, too.  Since he clearly has way too high self-esteem and wanted me to lower it, there are a million reasons why Mr. Harding is a really stupid teacher of mine.

            His shoes and shirt never match.  The colors are always conflicting with each other, every single day.  His music really sucks a lot.  He doesn’t listen to good music, and he doesn’t make good music.  Also, he’s a drummer.  Nobody likes a drummer.  Also, he can’t even read music.  I was under the impression that musicians are supposed to be able to read music.  I could be wrong, but probably not.  Mr. Harding’s usually the wrong one, because he’s so stupid.  He reads picture books, or comic books, or whatever.  They’re dumb, and they don’t even count as real books.

            A pretty excellent example of why Mr. Harding’s stupid is that he teaches yearbook.  That’s the class that stupid people teach, because it requires absolutely no work, whatsoever.  All you do is sit and drink Dr. Pepper all year long and you don’t get stressed out at all.  It’s so easy, that Mr. Harding can do it.  He also teaches freshmen Literature.  That’s the second dumbest class he could teach, because only stupid people would want to spend all year explaining to stupid kids what’s really going on in The Odyssey and that, no, Romeo and Juliet really were not in love.

            Mr. Harding quotes movies out of the blue, when no one is even talking to him, and it’s kind of weird.  Also, he doesn’t even like good movies, so he’s quoting a bunch of stupid movies (like Anchorman).  He draws on everything, even school property.  That’s setting a bad example for his students, who also draw on all his desks.  When you could be sleeping for fifteen hours during the summer, Mr. Harding guilts you into going on yearbook camp instead so that you can learn how to write copy that you already know how to write.  He has a stupid beard, too, which adds to his stupidity.

            When I first had Mr. Harding during freshmen year, he put my shy, helpless, Caucasian self in the middle of many much louder African-Americans so that I could never concentrate on my schoolwork.  This was extremely annoying, but I didn’t have to focus much, because Mr. Harding overestimated me and always gave me one hundreds on everything.  He always overestimates me, and I’m as good at everything as he thinks I am.  It’s probably just that he’s so stupid, my average work astounds him.  Also, he is the only teacher I have ever had that made me use MLA format.  I had to ask my even dumber brother how to head this paper because he was in Mr. Harding’s stupid class this year so he could graduate.  Nobody is ever going to make me use MLA ever again, because it’s stupid and pointless and it wastes a fourth of the paper.

            Mr. Harding’s biggest factor of stupidity is that he thinks I hate him and I think he’s really stupid, hence why he made me write this stupid essay.  I think Mr. Harding’s pretty smart, with the exception of all of these stupid qualities he inhabits.  He just obviously doesn’t know that he’s a wonderful teacher because he teaches stupid kids.

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